Bathroom Revelation

I really needed a shower. But not just because it had been more than 24 hours since my last one, but because I felt irritated, bitter, and my whole insides were bubbling with disappointment. Unfortunately Fortunately I have a horrible memory, and I have no recollection of what it was all about. All I remember is feeling trapped in myself; sick of what I demand of myself and the ways I cope with...anything. Something drove me to the bathroom which is a wonderful, sometimes the only place to retreat to. A perfect place to be cleansed of myself. To make a long story blog-length, I ended up breaking down in tears and having a huge realization that I need a major change on the inside. I need to be closer to God, and I need his grace to be rid of selfishness and discontentment. And one thing became very clear: I need discipline. And not just any discipline, but the ancient spiritual disciplines.


Two weeks ago I read the first five chapters of Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline - The Path to Spiritual Growth and it stirred in me a hunger to not just read about it but experience it fully. In fact this hunger has been there for a few years now but I've been waiting for the experience to drop in my lap. After my shower experience I decided to start the book over and keep a journal as I learn the disciplines. My first entry took a couple of days as I reflected on my realization and tried to imagine what these next chapters of my life might look like. I read the first chapter again and was stunned by how exactly it spoke to my personal life. My next post will be that first journal entry and then I will begin chapter two, The Discipline of Meditation. Perhaps a blog will encourage me to follow through with this journey and not become lazy in my pursuit.

Lord, let this be a journey led by you. I will seek your face and meet you.