I never used to honor the season of Lent or know much about it. But since we first started attending New Community Church in Spokane, I've learned more about it. Our church is very youthful, non-denominational and has a deep respect for the liturgy. We dip bread in wine every Sunday in remembrance of Christ's death and resurrection. We light the Advent candles the Sundays leading up to Christmas. We also hold an Ash Wednesday service, and our kids were given Lenten calendars shaped like caterpillars this year.
Last year I gave up listening to music in the car and television the year before. I've grown and found new meaning to the season in different ways each year. This year I don't' know what I was thinking. Actually, I do. I thought, "What would be the hardest thing for me to give up?"
Coffee.
And as I contemplated this horrible idea for a few days, I had a horrible experience with my first and hopefully only kidney stone. I thought I was dying. And in case you're wondering, I would say it is just as painful as giving birth. But they're very different circumstances and experiences, that's for sure.
Turns out that dehydration is a leading cause of kidney stones. Since I'm a nursing mother and have never been very good at staying hydrated even when I'm not nursing…my odds were pretty good for getting a kidney stone. I don't drink that much coffee. One to two cups a day. But I was pretty motivated to drink more water and never have another kidney stone. Ever. So I said goodbye to that blissful, dark drink for 40. Long. Days. (40 minus the Sundays on which some people break the fast during Lent. And you bet I did.)
Apparently babies have a tendency to stop sleeping as well around 4 months of age. I never knew that and it's probably good I didn't know. It has been easier than I thought, but there were some especially difficult days. Almost every time someone asked me, "How are you?" I'd say something about being tired and sleep deprived. I'm a broken record and might be for another 18 years. But there were occasional days when I felt oddly perky and energized. It wasn't just a long drawn-out 40 days of sleepiness. I had normal ups and downs. The only thing I didn't experience was that feeling of being driven only by caffeine (exhausted but your body is still moving and you're a bit overstimulated).
It made me consider how sometimes we want to be stimulated and spinning on all four cylinders ALL THE TIME. We weren't meant to function that way. The downs are just as important as the ups. And when you're not depending on caffeine (or some other form of stimulation) you learn to trust your instincts and set boundaries with yourself and people. There is much to learn from moments of not being able to perform very well.
The other benefit I've gained from this experience is getting practice at noticing my cravings and saying no to them. I had a reason to deny myself instead of just basing my decision on my wants. It was strangely satisfying to be solely objective about it. I'd like to be more this way in other areas of life.
And lastly, I found this fast rewarding simply because it prepared me mentally for Easter. It has been meaningful to hold close the expectation of celebrating Jesus' resurrection. I love how fasting reminded me over and over about this perfect act of love that Jesus did for the world, which in turn made saying no to something as small as coffee pretty easy. It was in some sense a form of communion with God. Accepting and surrendering to His love. And that is what spiritual disciplines are really all about, aren't they?
