Meditation | Days 18-21

My body feels awake and energized from two short sessions of morning yoga. My lungs feel clean. My mouth feels fresh with sips of peppermint green tea. My heart feels receptive to what God will give me today. My brain feels on the brink of creativity.  I'm ready.

Ready is one of my favorite state of minds to be in. I think readiness is a gift from God and it's a major part of my life. Sometimes I think about my readiness too much and allow room for discontent. Being ready should be a state of awareness, not a state of anxiety. Like a tennis player who moves their feet as the other player prepares to serve. Or a dancer who energizes her muscles before a big jump. If I'm anxious I'm really not ready and I'll miss the gracefulness of the next move. I'll be to worried about the next move to really be prepared. Readiness is an awareness and acceptance of what is coming at you.

I'm ready, God. And I know you'll be with me and guide my decisions. I know you'll pick me up when I fall and that I can overcome great obstacles with your help.

Meditation | Days 6-12

As I have been exploring meditation I find myself forgetting my end goal. It is not to get good at meditating, or to find the meaning of meditation or even to make meditation a habit. My end goal is to draw nearer to God, which is really not a very clear, measurable goal. There is no way to see if I met that goal or to look back on my days and see accomplishment or success. Meditation is a tool and an opportunity to draw nearer. I've been doing yoga, but am still struggling to use it for more than just exercise. Once I become more than a beginner it will probably become easier to meditate simultaneously. I'll just keep practicing, because I know it is good practice. Plus, my body is slowly feeling more capable than it used to. It is good for my physical well-being and encourages good circulation when sitting at a desk all day does not.

I have been practicing the "Palms Down, Palms Up" meditation that Foster teaches in his book. It's a great meditation for the end of the day. I simply sit quietly on my bed with my eyes closed, palms down on my knees. Then I recognize all my anxieties that are lingering from the day. I sometimes say out loud what they are and give them to God. "Lord, I give you my anxiety about my newsletter deadline. I give you my frustration with disciplining Oliver. I give you my obsession with wanting a clean house and disappointment in not having that.....etc." Then as I give those over and trust God in the areas I want control in, I turn my palms up and receive the Lord's blessing. "Lord, I receive your peace about work and the upcoming deadline. I receive your wisdom for disciplining and teaching Oliver. I receive your grace to let go of every task at hand and the patience to deal with one day at a time." I am thankful for this tool as it slows me down and teaches me to trust.

I want to practice his other meditation suggestions as well. Meditation on creation is one and meditation upon events of our time. I haven't yet decided how to approach these, but I'm excited to learn more. Foster ends his meditation chapter with encouraging words:


"You must not be discouraged if in the beginning your meditations have little meaning to you. There is a progression in the spiritual life, and it is wise to have some experience with lesser peaks before trying to tackle the Mt. Everest of the soul. So be patient with yourself. Besides, you are learning a discipline for which you have received no training. Nor does our culture encourage you to develop these skills. You will be going against the tide, but take heart; your task is of immense worth."

He also reminds me that meditation is not a single act, but a way of life.

Meditation | Day 3, 4 & 5

I succeeded in 4 straight days of yoga and meditation. Foster says in his meditation chapter that it's easy for us to associate meditation with the Eastern meditation practices we hear about, but the Christian practice is quite different. The goal of Eastern meditation is to empty mind and your whole self. But the goal of Christian meditation is to first empty yourself and then allow God to fill your mind and heart. This is all paraphrased of course. I don't have his book in front of me.

I've been using online videos and sometimes it isn't easy to meditate on scripture when you're listening to an instructor that is encouraging you to free your mind of thoughts, release your worries, etc. Yoga is not the best way for me to meditate. But it's good practice for repeating scripture in the midst of activity. If I can gain the habit of keeping God at the forefront of my mind while exercising, working and playing, then Yoga will be worth it. But I want to learn meditation apart from yoga. The sitting quiet and still kind. Morning is not a good time for me at this point because my mind is so foggy that I fail to keep concentration and am tempted to fall back asleep. But I can see how quiet meditation might be very helpful at the end of the day before bed. So tonight, Day 5, will be my first try at silent, still meditation. I'm not sure what I will meditate on or use to help guide my thoughts. Foster encourages the imagination. Perhaps I will find a beautiful, peaceful place of nature in my mind to meet with God one on one.

I skipped yoga today since my mother-in-law and sister-in-law stayed the night. My living room was occupied and I didn't want to do yoga with people watching me. That's a little different than having the early morning to yourself or even taking a class. Now, if they would have joined me I wouldn't have minded. Maybe I should have asked! Maybe I'll resume yoga tomorrow.

Another scripture I meditated on during yoga this week: Galations 5:24 "Now those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."

Meditation | Days 1 & 2

The first inward spiritual discipline that Foster writes about is meditation. I’ve decided to explore this in two ways: Yoga and Scripture. The last two mornings I’ve risen early enough to start my day with a 20-minute yoga session and chosen John 5:19 to meditate on:

“The Son does nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing; for whatever he does, that the Son does likewise.”

 I’ve also been repeating this scripture when I find a pause in the day such as on my drive to and from work, in between projects at the desk, when I’m pumping milk for baby Benjamin (hey, I can't do anything else but stare at the wall), when I take a sip of water or coffee. I'm enjoying this probably because it gives me a sense of accomplishment. But I really want to receive only what God has for me. Not a false sense of righteousness. I'm doubtful of my feelings and motivation. I am doubtful of my ability to continue this. It's so easy to pat myself on the back.

But I'm thankful that something has stuck with me these past 2 days. I keep thinking and praying, "God, what are you doing that I should see? Help me to see what you're doing so that I may do likewise." It's something to draw me closer and keep my eyes open.