Tired of Discipline

I've procrastinated coming back to this blog to start actually "dialoguing" with myself all that has been in my head over this subject of spiritual disciplines. I haven't had any revelations or conclusions, so this post might be all over the place.

I'm having a hard time wanting to make room for the spiritual disciplines in my life, but maybe that's how it's supposed to be right now. Perhaps God is not allowing room because if I was able to find a nice little routine of spiritual discipline (praying, meditation, studying, etc.) I might just get comfortable and think this is what it's about. It might actually make me lazy in my communion with God. Maybe He is asking more than quiet time and routine pieces of my life . Of course He is.

The last couple of months I've been contemplating whether I even like the idea of spiritual discipline any more. I'm a little annoyed that "Spiritual" is a category in our lives. My belief is that everything is spiritual and there is no reality separate from that. I'm annoyed by the phrase, "It's a God thing" and I'm annoyed by how we categorize life and put "spiritual" in one bucket like God just pops in for the party now and then so we don't forget about Him. I want God to be in and with all of me everywhere, all the time. It's weird trying to fit Christ into my lifestyle. Christ should be my lifestyle.

BUT, as a human, that's very hard to do. Since my brain is not in perfect working order and my heart not in complete surrender all the time…I can see how the disciplines can train our minds and sync our beliefs with our actions.  But I do not have much desire during this season of life to fit those disciplines in. Shouldn't communion with God be a more natural moment-by-moment all-day activity?

Here's the thing: If Jesus were with me right now, would I even ask him about spiritual disciplines? I would feel like such a Pharisee for trying to discuss them with Him! Jesus doesn't talk about spiritual disciplines! No, here's the thing: Jesus is here with me. If that's the one thing I can get into my thick head and it stays there, I may not need to intentionally practice the other spiritual disciplines. They might just show up anyway because they're a natural part of life with Jesus. I just don't know if fasting for the sake of fasting is worth it. Or if praying because it's that time of day again makes any sense. Or if putting a couple volunteer hours in a week for a cause really counts as communion with God. It might make me feel like I'm doing my part and being a good person, but am I really in communion with God because I do those things? I know many have found the disciplines valuable. But ideally I see them being more common rather than set apart. I'm tired of Jesus being an idea that sits on a pew or goes down to the homeless shelter to serve a meal once a week. This is what I'm tossing around lately. I haven't been blogging, but the subject matter is there.

If I get time, I would like to try to write something on the most recent chapter I read from The Celebration of Discipline on the discipline of simplicity. It so appeals to me, not as a discipline though; as a lifestyle. Maybe that's what Richard Foster is getting at anyway.